Face To Earth / Back To Sky - Elephant Nature Park, Thailand
Gravitational Pull - Bangkok, Thailand
Tropical Paradise? - Ko Phangan, Thailand
Maybe all humans didn't originate in the same place. I mean, why is it that all these twenty-something-year-olds mainly from England, but I hear German, Israeli and Italian English accents as well (only the occasional North American English accent) - why is it that every full moon 8,000 to 50,000 of these sexually hopeful international tourists choose Ko Phangan in southern Thailand for holiday?
Today, with the common bacterial infection that affects 50% of travelers' digestive tracts in this never-dry climate and hygienically casual culture, I creep out to the beach, well after 3 p.m., to avoid the oppressive sun and it's most damaging rays, only to find the same 500 folk that I saw this morning during my coconut breakfast still playing volleyball, learning to spin poi, making out on inflatable floats, and mixing pink cocktails in what they consider paradise.
I last a literal 20 minutes before the sweat and heat combined inspire a clausterphopic feeling akin to suffocation. I shake off my beach towel, scratch off the sea lice (for real) and retreat back into my queen-of-the-jungle bungalow to apply another layer of powder to the heat rash that has turned my backside into a horror movie special effect. I feel like an alien in this tropical world. I wonder if everyone here really adores this climate as much as they profess or would they and their pale white skins, now blistering and peeling quite horror-movie-esque too, actually feel more paradisal in Glasgow, San Anchorage, Stockholm or Winnipeg as I would, if they could only admit it.
I was wine tasting in Napa many years ago, just initiating into the sport and asking questions of anyone seemingly more experienced than I. "Which wines do people prefer?" I questioned one particular vineyard's server who pours for hundreds of tasters every week. Her answer opened my eyes to wine and social habit in general, "People say they prefer the heavy reds, but what they request another taste of are the sweet whites time after time." Peer pressure? Social eagerness? Immaturity? It's okay to adore the musky bite of the Merlot or Port, but how many of these lobster skinned, dysentery infected, alcohol dehydrated, heat rash itching, cockroach avoiding, mosquito bitten backpackers would have the self authority to proclaim to the world's travel snobs that they prefer a light Sauvignon Blanc anyway?
(This piece was written in humor. I am in fact enjoying Thailand beyond measure in spite of the climate assault.)
Caterpillar
Hollywood, CA
Dare I Say Cute
Hollywood, CA
My mom is a small woman in my embrace. She is my mom and yet she is so much smaller than I. She loves being huged and giving hugs and I notice that because it's the most important thing about a relationship to me;
The Embrace: to expose the soft organs of the body completely and flatten the heart specifically against another's heart. To touch the hearts. To smell the odor. To talk to energy. To listen to energy and to simultaneously shout, mandate, offer, suggest, understand, assimilate, resolve, hold, hold, hold, reciprocate.
To hold my mom close in public. It is wonderful. It is obvious. It is me loving my mom. It is no weapons, only open arms.
She is such a special woman. Aloof and dare I say cute. She held me when I was small enough to fit entirely in her embrace and she loved me with all her might. I don't really remember that early on, but I am who I am today and that tells me without a doubt: my mother held me. I live proof of being held.
I hold my mother, too.
Become An Archetype - Grapevine, CA
I am an idealist.
By choice.
Because sometimes in an idealist's world, the ideal thing happens.
I mean; surely the ideal thing rarely happens in the pessimist's world. But the most dangerous perspective to think one possesses is realism. As if all perspectives weren't mutable and chosen. The realist thinks hers is fixed and actually more valid than the others. At least the pessimist knows perspective is subjective and theirs tilts towards impending doom. The most dangerous human beings in the world think there is an objective reality and they have a monopoly on it.
Well, I know my ideals aren't real and I choose to continue their dreaming.
My ideals are strong, and are one of two things that define the depths of my character.
And if you haven't figured it out by now, performance is the other. To search the self and the human condition so thoroughly that with one breath, my lungs breath the air of the collective unconscious - that is the connection this performer aspires to. To go straight where I am uncomfortable and root around until it hurts, while others are watching, seeing, sharing, relating to, forming opinions of - that is the epitome of vulnerability, bravery and belligerence only a performer's soul can glimpse. To purge my demons through sweat and motion, to work my magick through obsession to detail, to become an archetype, representing whatever the receiving psyche will have me as, is an important, adventurous, and noble pursuit the way I see it. And performnace, combined with ideals, wholly define my core.
And yet, I have been vehemently challenged by fans that I am not living up to their ideals when I dance in a commercial for a product I personally wouldn't use. Or act in a film in which's message is not aligned towards social transformation. To which I jest, with sincerity, that "my career and my life will be complete when the avocado company has enough money to hire me for their next billboard campaign."
Well, last week they did.
Al Gore's Alliance for Climate Protection hired me to perform in their upcoming public service announcement - which is a fancy way to say "commercial". However, while a commercial sells a product, a public service announcement sells an idea. An ideal. In this case, I'll be selling climate protection with the message, "it matters," "you make a difference," "now is the time," "we are powerful."
The entire process was a positive one. For the audition, I actually got interviewed about some of my life, which gave me the platform on camera to speak about a jillion environmental implementations I use on a personal daily basis. On the set, the craft service company, rather than providing "disposable" (next to realism, the second most dangerous concept in human history) plastic water bottles, provided just one intended for reuse with markers for labeling it and a large water dispenser to fill it from (I of course had my usual glass water bottle in tote and still didn't need the plastic one). In holding, conversations about Burning Man, alternative fuels and raw vegan diets were plentiful. And in the final edit, this production will hopefully reflect what an amazing experience it all was for me; in particular, to get to be a part of mass media that's breaking the rules.
It's moments like this that I know the world is catching up with my ideals. And it won't be long before I'm performing the roles and delivering the messages that an entertainment medium of this global magnitude has the responsibility to deliver.
We are doing it now. Watch and remember what you see. Note who is pushing the limits. Support those, big or small, that are generating health and environmental media. Now is the time for responsible film and television propaganda. It's happening now.
Malibu Creek - Malibu, CA
Will Not Settle Down
Hollywood, CA
I'm Your Favorite Badass
Hollywood, CA

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